Thrusday, December 16, 2004 - I'm A Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad, Mother...

I could not stop myself - I screamed at my children far, far too much today. Every little thing grated at me, and I could not take it.

I know I've brought this topic up before, but it's really gnawing at my soul. For about 48 hours every month, I become this horrible, miserable, bitchy, unbearable person. Intellectually I know it's insanity, but I can't make myself stop.

I know I should bring it up with my doctor, but I don't know if it will do much good. I did tell him about the migraines, and he gave me some stuff which has helped somewhat.

In an ideal world, what I would like to do is to take those days off and go do whatever my little heart desires. Unfortunately, you don't get vacation days from being a mom.

So I end up taking my unstable emotions out upon my loved ones (oh, btw, to my real-life friends - yeah, that pretty much accounts for the times over the years when you have seen me at my worst. The sad thing is that I probably have better control over it now than I used to have.)

I can't live like this any longer. But I don't know what to do.